You Have to Pick! Femme or Stud? (Do You?)

I recently read someone's blog post polling readers on whether there is a femme shortage; if femmes are going back to men and why are more femmes dressing like studs. Translation: femmes are feminine gay women and stud's are masculine dressed gay women. Case in point: see Cynthia Nixon of "Sex and the City" and her girlfriend in the photo next door.

I thought this was a pretty shallow poll and felt compelled to "gently" respond. After all, who's business is it anyway how a person dresses or decides to love.

So, to address the question, why do more femmes seem to be dressing like studs, I think it's a simple matter of learning who you are and becoming bold enough to stand up to or for that. It doesn't necessarily have to mean a movement, it just means, developing as a person. On the one hand, as you grow, you become a reflection of what you're taught at home. Catholic or Baptist? Democrat or Republican? Straight or Gay? Life is habitual.

As girls, mother's never assume their daughters will be gay, so they dress them like girls: frills and lace. But the more a person is exposed to the world and all it has to offer, you start to adjust your thinking and habits, and slowly begin to mold into the you you're comfortable with. And if your male energy prompts you to feel more confident and comfortable dressed masculine--you do that.

And on whether there's a shortage: I just think women are tired of being made to feel it's necessary to wear a sign across their chests that scream, "I eat pussy for breakfast!" Women who are sound in their sexuality don't waste time labeling themselves, or screaming from the top of a mountain, "I'm gay and I'm femme!" Instead of being unnecessarily vocal about their sexuality, "real" gay women associate themselves with their kindred peers. Their social circles become other women they meet through exclusive clubs or groups for lesbian/bisexual women, and through associations.

For example, the affluent don't go around screaming, "I'm rich! I'm rich!" Instead, you'll find them shopping on Rodeo Drive as opposed to Target, or rooming at the Beverly Hills Hotel versus Comfort Inn. So what looks like a shortage is in essence has turned into handling your lifestyle with sophistication and privacy.

Finally, on are femmes going back to men: These days, it seems that being a lesbian or bisexual woman is a fad or trend. While it probably pisses those who really are lesbian or bisexual off, even to the point of feeling mimicked, the seeming acceptance from society is an uncloseted opportunity for women to get to know themselves and make an informed choice. If being with a woman helps a woman heal after a bad breakup with a man, she's more likely to go back to a man.

On the other hand, I do think more women are bisexual than ever before. Again, I believe it's a societal acceptance that gives women the green light to decide who they want to be with, be it man or woman. While a lot of women might get unintentionally used in the process, it's a process all the same.

Oh, Joe.

Joe Jackson has been a controversial topic even before MJ's death. He's been labeled one of the toughest, meanest, opportunistics dads of all time--all of which might be true.

While Joe was no Cliff Huxtable, he didn't love his children--all of his children--any less. One of my followers commented that it would have been nice if he [Joe] had tempered that intensity with some fatherly love.

As the adage goes: Actions speak louder than words. Ergo, Joe's love for his children is precisely what drove him to push them so hard to prevent their future empoverishment like he experienced early in his life. As proof, a few nights after MJ's death, on ABC's 20/20, not only did Jermaine send gratitude to his dad, he emphatically denied having been abused, and so have other of his siblings in past interviews.

What has happened is, laws put in place to protect children, has made the line of defining abuse very thin. I can't think of an adult who can't remember childhood ass whippings from their fathers or mothers, but who also grew up psychologically sound. Today, however, techniques such as time-out, punishment/grounding and withholding allowance calls for spankings to be considered abuse.

Jermaine noted some of his brothers and sisters "were more sensitive than others." And culturally, black males have always shown their love for their children through a firm tongue and strict discipline (i.e., James Evans, Fred Sanford, George Jefferson to name a few). Rarely did you see them bestowing terms of endearment or affection upon their children. But their love was no less than that of their mothers'.

And there it is. Every family, every story, has to have a "bad guy;" a scapegoat. For the Jackson's, Joe's it. But Joe's not so bad. As the custody hearings get underway to decide the fate (or destiny) of MJ's children, Larry King reported that it is Joseph Jackson who is making attempts to unite Kathering and Debbie despite their growning animosity.

Enough said. Right? So why don't we just "Leave Joe Alone?"